Single Mom at War!

Hello friends because I feel that we are friends at this point My last blog was about how short life is and how we seem to take it for granted and spend to much time focusing on the wrong people or things, I was dreading Christmas's because I was really missing my Daddy. But then I had to look back over the last 6 months and to see how blessed that I was my life was not perfect but I am in a good space. I still had no idea as to where my son was living or how he was making but God had given me a little peace about that, I have started some new medicine and it is working better than anything else in a very long time. Kimskakery is doing so well that 2017 is going to be a amazing year. Death is still taking people out of my life that touched me and made such a huge impact on my life. And I trying to make sense on what my new normal is for 2017. On 12/23/16 the anniversary of my Father's death my son came home. He just showed up with no explanation no apologies just hey how are ...

I have not blogged in a while because I really pushed myself for Thanksgiving and my body and Lupus pushed back. Let's just say that Kim lost that fight and truth be told I wanted to surrender and give up on the war. Please know that depression is real and it needs to addressed and dealt with. Stop wasting Time. I was in my kitchen doing what I loved baking for KimsKakery and it hit me that time keeps on moving. My house is decorated with Christmas and all I could do was think about my Father who passed away almost 13 years ago on 12/23. I thought it feels like yesterday that I had both my parents on this side of heaven. He was my best friend my A1 my dude. I can recount the day he died minute by minute because when I woke up on 12/23 I had a Father living but by the time I went to bed he was dead. Time is a theif. The older you get the more you realize that really no man knows the time or day that God will take you away from here. And what have you done in your dash?You know 1...

So this blog will be a little bit of a rant. I had some many people say how could you put out all of your business? And why didn't you reach out to family and friends or even church. And if it was so bad why not sent him to his Father. There is no option that I have not tried. What I have found out is Blacks Lives Matter after a kid is dead but what is happening to save these kids before it gets this far? I went to church and the help so inconsistent that it didn't make a difference. I mean he was busy on the choir,helped feed the hungry and was a acolyte. So as things got worse people saw the down ward spiral and prayed but no man stepped in. And did I mention that this was during the timd when I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and my Lupus was in high gear and I was told to relax and pray. I understood that no one wanted a 16 years old boy who was troubled so they would all talk about being a man and say hey call me so we can talk about whatever is going on . ...

On my last blog people reached out some to uplift and others to judge. I felt judge by so many people and should have felt uplifted. Then I remembered that only God can judge and that the people who called to judge never called to other to help or asked how they could help so why the hell do I or did I care what "they" said. When I tell you that God will show up just when you need him to show you that he has indeed not forgotten about you. Today Jordan gave her life to God. She has been through so much but for her to make the a decision at 14 that many people grown people struggle with helped me see that I am winning.  I have not won the war but the small victories are just as important. I have spent so much time consumed by the struggles of Zachary that I have been less than the mother she deserved.  I have been praying that God would cover her and keep her safe and make sure she was successful and God has been faithful. So if God can watch over and protect one of my c...

Single Mom at War!: Just tell the truth damn it. : My son has been officially missing for over 30 days. And let's tell the truth he is 17 and a young black man no one is looking for him. ...

My son has been officially missing for over 30 days. And let's tell the truth he is 17 and a young black man no one is looking for him. The odds have been stacked against him since birth born to a single Mother with a absent Father. However he is still my son and he means the world to me. He is living with people I don't know know and places that I have no idea about. Where do these people come from that don't say let's call your Mother and let her know that you are safe. People in Charlotte are getting killed everyday and I live with that fear daily. But in the era of Facebook lies and Snap chat 24 hour cycle and Instagram celebrity nothing is real. I have to pray and love him and brace myself for what comes next. I have to love him enough to let him at 17 make these choices and pray that God will give him the Grace and time to fix the error of his ways. He not only needs to mend the relationship with me but with my Mother and his Sister who have both been hurt. No...

This is Kim 2.0 and I am trying to see things differently and handle people differently. My son has been missing since 10/8 with no idea as to where he is and who he is with. As a Mother it breaks my heart to see the path my cubs is going down and knowledge that he will not allow me to help him. How do you reconcile loving my son my first born from a distance. Taking a stand that I love with all my heart but before I loved you I loved me. I also love my daughter and my Momma who are hurting as well. I have to say God you got and I am going to chill. The reason I started this blog was to help someone to know that they are not alone. That you can be the best parent you know how and that you kid or kids will grow up and do things that you don't agree with. They are growing into young adults and if they make good choices you support them and if they make bad choices then you also support them. When all of this first started no one could tell me that almost 2 years later and 14 times ...

I am not ashamed of my journey it has made me a strong person. I am not going to let anyone dim my light so that they can shine. I love this new version of me she has a hustle that I have never seen. I know that this is just the beginning not being arrogant but I feel that God is saying yes in my life. Now let's not get is twisted like people on Facebook who lead you to believe that their life is perfect. The marriage or relationship and kids are amazing. That is not my story.  My son has gone off course and no one knows where he is,but I have to be okay with what he is doing in his life. God let me see that not only am I not the only Mother having issues with my child but that I have to learn how to love him from a distance. On this part of my journey everyone can not come with me. In the Bible it is called separating the wheat from the tare. I have said to God if I have to do this alone with just God then I will. Not perfect but honest enough to say that part of my life is ama...

I have been gone for a minute got busy baking Kimskakery is doing amazing. It is amazing how one part of your life can be going so good and the other parts are all going to hell. I have to admit being a control freak so if it has my name on it then it I have had my hand on it. I know that the title of the blog is crazy but what if it was true. What if you had already won and you didn't know it. What if everything you wanted was in arms reach and you blew it. I have seen it with my own eyes and it is a bad situation. To me it reminds that in the Bible God said be still and know that I am God. I told me son if he changed his circle he would change his circumstances. He said that he and his friends are all trying to make it and I asked what does that look like,because everyone in your circle should be growing and evolving and moving on. Just as in the Bible God shall separate the wheat from the tare. Not everyone who starts with you will finish with you. And you have to be ok with...

So it was hard last week I was not feeling well and because of Lupus not feeling good is a daily battle. So I kept pressing and ignore my body. My son had run away again and I knew my stress level was on a million. So I did what Mother's do I put myself on the back burner. I had a silent heart attack.  At 41 I had a heart attack I have been in Congestive heart failure for almost 3 years and now my heart is saying you gotta change. But do I really want to? I talked a good game and yes this blog was started to help someone who was going through some of the things that I was going through with my son. The running away the lies the stealing the disrespectful treatment and the blanton disregard for my rules. I feel like I failed my son in some shape form or fashion. I did everything I knew to do I changed my whole life for him and his sister. And now I don't even know my own son my 1st born the person who changed me. And I am having a hard time realizing that he doesn't want t...

It's been a while since I have blogged. I have been busy with Kimskakery with doing something that brings me peace and joy. I have been using this blog as a journal and as a why to get my thoughts out and if possible help someone. I have been talking about what I have been going threw in the last year with my son. And in the vain of being transparent.  The summer of 2016 has been alot like the summer of 2015. My son who came home on good Friday who assured me that things had changed and that he was glad to be home and wanted to do better. I have said that last year was the worse summer but this summer has been by far the hardest. I have had to deal with more of the lies and running away again. Things have come to a point that I don't even tell people when he is gone or what is going on because I feel like a broken record. I have had to deal with my Lupus being in high gear and my blood pressure being off the chart and it is all due to stress. I am not sure where things went...

Just when I  thought things were going good the rug gets pulled from under me. I have started my own business and I am enjoying the work and watching something I love grow and expand. But my son ran away again and was gone for 9 days. During that time he has gotten two tattoos that are illegal for him to have in North Carolina. So how can I find joy when my life is in such a tail spin. After Christmas and I started to make some decisions that I had to take my life back. I had become someone that I didn't even know anymore. I made myself look in the mirror and I realized that the person who was judging me was me. I always felt like you live and die by your kids successes and failures. I was not in the frame of mind that my son was his own person and he is making his own decisions and it has nothing to do with me. I was taught you don't ever embrace your parents. You never ever know who knows who and you have to watch what you are doing at all times. But my son was not like m...

I have not blogged in a little while because Kimskakery is keeping me busy. I am so blessed and happy that the thing that I love that I am able to pass it along to someone else and they are able to enjoy my gift. I am baking up a storm and building up my business from the ground up. I have never worked so hard in my life but I have never been this happy either. So my last blog was about him coming home for Thanksgiving and how it made me feel. So when he came home for Thanksgiving he was  high and was still up to the same games . He was home to stay and that things were going to be better this time. So we put the Christmas decorations and tried to  move on with holiday season.  I am not a fan of Christmas since my father passed away on December 23 and that has always brought on so many emotions.  He was going to school and cutting classed and we had pick him up from school be he was so high at school that he smelled of weed. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that my ...

Hello I hope everyone is having a goof Friday. If you have been reading my blog you know by know that the bulk of my blog is about my and all that our family has gone threw in 2015 and 2016. I wanted to do this so that I could help someone who may have a son or a daughter who may be going threw what I am. We all need community and the would of Facebook ,Instagram  &Twitter would have you thinking you are all alone because everyone if pretty, fly and fabulous. On Facebook no one  tells you the real story of the life or raising teenager. Well stick with me and I tell you the truth and make plain just how I like my drinks straight no chaser. I have decided that Lupus will not kill me and neither will my kids stressing me out. To the point that my heart explodes or my blood pressure is so high that I have stroke, I have not worked in 4 years and I have wanted to always do more that be at home and be sick. But it seems that my health was never in a place that would allow...

Hello folks its me I feel like we are old friends some of the things that I have shared here I have never had the courage to speak with some of my best and closet friends. But sitting here in the comfort of my room and I feel ok to be free and to honest and to tell the story because no one could have prepared me for what I was about to go threw. Fall was my favorite time of the year. The warm days and cool night when a light jacket is needed if sunset caught you outside. And of course I am a Carolina girl so Football and friends were always on tap. I had been planning on going to my College Homecoming in 2015 because since in 2014 I was in congestive heart failure and I was on bed rest walking to the bathroom left me winded and my Mother was having  to take care of my kids on the day to day things. I was scared that I was going to die because my Father had congestive heart failure and he died at 57. So the fear was real the Doctor had taken away my driving privileges so I was ext...

I have not blogged in a couple of days because my Lupus was on ten. I had not been able to walk for like four days and I was in so much pain that I could not even sit up. I am not a go to the hospital person especially after I was diagnosed with Lupus I felt like I was always either at the hospital or at the Doctor. So Sunday night when my Mom asked me if I wanted to go we planned it so Monday morning I woke up with one thing on my mind. I was headed to the hospital to get some kind of relief. The blood pressure was 197/137 and that was after they had taken it a couple of times. But pain will cause all kinds of problems in your body and life. I have gotten so use to putting myself on the back burner that I have left my health to chance far more times than I can to think about. This blog is about the end of a hard summer and my hopes that a new school year would bring about some growth and much needed changed on my son. However I was in for a rude awaking I never understood w...

On this journey my hope to help another Mother somewhere to know that she is not the only on struggling with a child who will not do what is right. I was in a place that I had never been and I was all alone my friends and family tried to support me and give me some encouragement. But this was something that no one I knew had ever been thru. Sure as teenagers we all had pushed the limits and test our Parents patience but my son was in a class all by himself and I was in the dark with no flashlight.   It has become a situation that he was running away every month and was staying gone for days at a time. I was calling the police who really never looked for him they took the report and moved on. By this time I was becoming very weary in my faith and that I was so sad that I could not seem to find happiness in the things that had in the past brought me so much joy. I had stopped cooking and baking was like only if I had no other choice. I was becoming more isolated because I was...

On the journey of doing this blog it has given me a sense of freedom about my life and my truth is just that. I have lived thru many things in the last 365 days that I had no idea I could live thru. My health has gone from where I didn't feel like trash everyday to now some days getting out of the bed takes a pain pill and an hour just to make it. But because I have kids and I am taking care of my Mother I have no choice but to make it happen. This was not supposed to be my life. I love being a Mother and it is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. But this year my son has pushed me to the limits to wonder why I gave up my life to be his Mother. I am sure that being my son is not a piece of cake and that I can be the bitch from hell. But I have never done anything but make sure that he was always taken care of and provided for even if it was to my own detriment. If my kids had or have a need my life and health go on the back burner. Afte...

Hello everyone so with the effort to tell the true and be transparent I have been in my feelings for the last few days. It is such a horrible feeling and to make things worse I have am Lupus headache that makes me feel like shit. I am not going to make it cute or dress it I feel like I want to take my head off my shoulders and roll it down the street. I know why I am in my feelings. Facebook has this wonderful thing that it shows memories of what happened on this day years previous. And the other day it was the memory of my son being missing. I had no idea that one year later that this day would not be the worse day of my life. My son snuck out of my house and was gone for 3 days and I had no idea where he was or who he was with. I was a nervous wreck and my mind was running rampant. I had to call the police and we made flyers my church family helped pass out flyers almost 200 of them. He was at some friends of his house who Mother was fine with him being there with out talk to m...

Hello guys when I started this blog a few weeks ago it was meant to be a daily thing as a way to deal with my life the stress of life and to give me a place to vent if needed. I said that I would be very transparent in this blog because what good would telling a lie to water down my journey  for me or anyone who would read this blog. So I am going to tell you a story of a young 23 year old woman who was selfish and spoiled, mean outspoken and rude. I did just what I wanted to do whenever I wanted to. I never took any shit off of anyone. And then God told the best joke ever I got pregnant. I was scared and amazed and ashamed all at the same time. I never wanted kids or anything to do with kids. I had been raised by a single Mother my sisters both were single Mother's so I knew I could do it but the question was did I want to. Was I ready to make my life about this other person who I was going to have to love,guide and support. I cried many nights and pray just as hard. Zachary...

So here goes I am by no means a writer or a professional.  However I am a 40 year old mother of 2 teenagers that keep me on my knees in prayer. This blog is not meant to teach anyone anything it is a outlet for me. My goal will be to post everyday good and bad and to be transparent.  If I don't post it maybe a bad Lupus Day and shit no one wants to hear about I promise. Being a single Mother I have learned so many things and still have so much to learn. Kids have a funny was to change a selfish self-centered girl into a woman who forgot about herself so that her kids would never have to suffer. Now I am not going to tell you a fairytale or blow smoke up your assistance but I have believe that I am not the only Mother with two teenagers and suffering from a chronic disease and trying to make sense out of life. So we go to far Hello my name is Kim and I have a son who is 16 and a daughter who 13. I suffer from Lupus,congestive heart failure asthma and the new kid on the mixe...