Just when I thought things were going good the rug gets pulled from under me. I have started my own business and I am enjoying the work and watching something I love grow and expand. But my son ran away again and was gone for 9 days. During that time he has gotten two tattoos that are illegal for him to have in North Carolina. So how can I find joy when my life is in such a tail spin.
After Christmas and I started to make some decisions that I had to take my life back. I had become someone that I didn't even know anymore. I made myself look in the mirror and I realized that the person who was judging me was me. I always felt like you live and die by your kids successes and failures. I was not in the frame of mind that my son was his own person and he is making his own decisions and it has nothing to do with me.
I was taught you don't ever embrace your parents. You never ever know who knows who and you have to watch what you are doing at all times. But my son was not like me. He is determined to do things that I don't agree with and it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel about it. And the world will judge me if they like but I have to free myself from that responsibility of holding his hand and protecting someone who does want me to help or protect him. My heart was broken but I knew that I needed to pray and keep my faith because after all of this I could have easily lost my mind.
I have a daughter to raise and make sure that she is ok. She needed a whole Mother and she was not getting all of me that she deserved. I had checked out. But I did something for myself. I started going to therapy. I know in the African American community we pray and hold on and wait on God. We don't seek out help but I needed to talk to someone that would not judge and didn't have a opinion one way or the other.
After Christmas and I started to make some decisions that I had to take my life back. I had become someone that I didn't even know anymore. I made myself look in the mirror and I realized that the person who was judging me was me. I always felt like you live and die by your kids successes and failures. I was not in the frame of mind that my son was his own person and he is making his own decisions and it has nothing to do with me.
I was taught you don't ever embrace your parents. You never ever know who knows who and you have to watch what you are doing at all times. But my son was not like me. He is determined to do things that I don't agree with and it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel about it. And the world will judge me if they like but I have to free myself from that responsibility of holding his hand and protecting someone who does want me to help or protect him. My heart was broken but I knew that I needed to pray and keep my faith because after all of this I could have easily lost my mind.
I have a daughter to raise and make sure that she is ok. She needed a whole Mother and she was not getting all of me that she deserved. I had checked out. But I did something for myself. I started going to therapy. I know in the African American community we pray and hold on and wait on God. We don't seek out help but I needed to talk to someone that would not judge and didn't have a opinion one way or the other.
Comments