On this journey my hope to help another Mother somewhere to know that she is not the only on struggling with a child who will not do what is right. I was in a place that I had never been and I was all alone my friends and family tried to support me and give me some encouragement. But this was something that no one I knew had ever been thru. Sure as teenagers we all had pushed the limits and test our Parents patience but my son was in a class all by himself and I was in the dark with no flashlight.
It has become a situation that he was running away every month and was staying gone for days at a time. I was calling the police who really never looked for him they took the report and moved on. By this time I was becoming very weary in my faith and that I was so sad that I could not seem to find happiness in the things that had in the past brought me so much joy. I had stopped cooking and baking was like only if I had no other choice. I was becoming more isolated because I was ashamed to let anyone know that I would go days with no idea of where my son was. He missed the July 4th cookouts and people kept asking how he was and where he was. And when he did come home or the police just so happen to have run up on him it was never for a long period of time. I felt like I had an infant at home and I was always on edge. He has snuck out of the house after I had taken medicine and left the front door unlocked and so I just stopped taking my medicine so that I could be alert if he left the house. Well then that lead to days of no sleep and on top of all of that my Lupus was in full effect so I was on prednisone which on its one would not let me sleep.
I was looking forward to turning 40 and I was planning to celebrate because I knew that there had been times that I never thought that I would live to see 40. Because at 39 I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and that on top of the clotting disorder was a combination for a sudden death. So my health should have been my main concern but my son was all I could think about. But I was determined that I was going to celebrate 40 and enjoy myself. I had planned a wonderful dinner and a very dear friend of over 20 years from college came to surprise me. I felt very blessed to be surrounded by people who loved me. But the entire time was I checking in at home making sure that my son was still in the house and had not run away. But I smiled and laughed and enjoyed myself as best I could. I had told myself that if just for one day I was going to be "normal" even though my life had been far from normal for several months.
As I was wrapping up my birthday celebration I got a phone call that would be a game changer. I was surprised and happy all at the same time. It was a call from someone in my past that had always had a place in my heart and due to timing and different situations in life it never seemed to be the right time for us. This was a man who I had known for 20 years and it was breath of fresh air. It is the kind of situation where you pick up like no time has passed and your heart skips a beat. As we began to catch up on life and how things were I began to tell him about the issues with my son and things that he had been doing. It was like God had sent me just what I needed. He was someone to talk to who had lived exactly what I was going thru on both sides of the coin he was the kid who was doing everything giving his Mom hell and stress when he was a teenager. And then his son had put him thru a lot when he was growing. So he was able to give me a certain insight and advice that no one else could give me.
I had a confidant someone who I could talk to and be open with someone who I could cry with and he would allow me vent and in return he could speak directly to the situation. My son had now begun to steal from me and I mean it was bad. He would go in my wallet and steal if I was in the bathroom or in the kitchen cooking. It had come to the point that I was hiding money like I lived with a drug addict. By this time it was August and I had no idea where he was he stole 40.00 out of my wallet and ran away. I had in the past road around and looked for him but Steve told me that I could not spend my life chasing him. It was not safe and it was really taking a toll on my body. And after more than a week missing the police find him and bring him home. Now the cycle would just start over he would stay for a little while and then he would run away again. But this time I had someone to really walk me thru the storm of emotions and to help put things in perspective. The lies that my son was telling people had really become serious.
It was time for his birthday and I was torn as to what to do to celebrate because I didn't want to reward bad behavior. By this time I knew that he was smoking weed and drinking. So I decided to allow him to have a small get together at our house thinking that he would see that I was trying to move past all the hurt and the lies and drama of the past months. He had a wonderful time and I thought maybe things were going to change little did I know the shit was really about to hit the fan.
This whole time was bringing Steve and me closer together and the love that was planted 20 years prior I had been watering in tears. It was a relationship that I needed and support system that was going to love me and my kids good or bad. He was very concerned about my health and took it upon his self to study up on the many health issues that had been my life. I have always been scared that no man would want to take on a woman with my health issues and 2 kids and one of the those kids who was acting like he was raised by wild animals but he said I am here and I am not going anywhere so relax I got you. And just like that I exhaled and realized that I had been holding my breath since May waiting on the other shoe to drop.
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