Hello folks its me I feel like we are old friends some of the things that I have shared here I have never had the courage to speak with some of my best and closet friends. But sitting here in the comfort of my room and I feel ok to be free and to honest and to tell the story because no one could have prepared me for what I was about to go threw. Fall was my favorite time of the year. The warm days and cool night when a light jacket is needed if sunset caught you outside. And of course I am a Carolina girl so Football and friends were always on tap.
I had been planning on going to my College Homecoming in 2015 because since in 2014 I was in congestive heart failure and I was on bed rest walking to the bathroom left me winded and my Mother was having to take care of my kids on the day to day things. I was scared that I was going to die because my Father had congestive heart failure and he died at 57. So the fear was real the Doctor had taken away my driving privileges so I was extra sad. So when Homecoming came around in 2015 and I was up and felt better and I was determined to go to see some of my friends who I had not seen in years. So I got the works my hair, nails and pedicure made arrangements for my kids for the full weekend. And I was ready for hit 85 North to Salisbury NC and a little school called Livingstone College. I had been gone most of the day on Friday getting my cute on so when I called home to see if my son was home my Mom told me and that she had not heard from him. Just like that I was depressed I was like damn can I catch a break by this time we had gotten use to if he was not home by 2:39pm then he was not coming and with that came the stress of worrying where he was and who he was with and what he was doing. My Mom told me to not change my plans and that I needed to still go ahead with my plans and enjoy myself because he was going to enjoy himself and not worry about me. So I got home and called the police they came out took the report and the foolishness started all over again. The police thought that since Halloween was on a weekend that he was somewhere with his friends that he would turn up. I on the other hand was not sure but what was I supposed to do?
I went to Homecoming and it was great I saw some friends had a amazing time but in the back of my head I knew my soon was still not at home. Sunday I woke up sad and so down that I could not pull myself out of my bed. My Mom thought that I was just hung over but it was worse than that. While at homecoming everyone kept asking how my kids were and I had to lie with a straight face how was I supposed to say oh my daughter was great but I had not seen my son since he left for school Friday morning. What kind of sorry parent was I? I called the school and let them know the situation that once again he was missing and that he had been gone since Friday and never came home. They told me that they would do what they could do and that he was not at school and if they saw him then they would call me.
The longest he had ever been gone was 4 days you know like a long weekend but before I knew it he had been gone for 2weeks and I had not slept or really eaten and it was taking a toll on me and not just me but my daughter and my Mom. I just cried and cried and the Doctor was of coursed worried about me but I could not pull myself out of this depression. I knew I was depressed because I felt worse than I had when my Daddy had died or when I was first diagnosed. And to make matters worse people had started saying the dumbest things to me. Like I know all my kids friends. Have you called his friends? What did you do to make him want to leave. I was losing my mind and people close to me instead trying to make me feel better they mad me feel worse. I had a friend who said I am not going to pray for him because everyone is praying for him and God takes care of fools and babies. She said I am going to pray for you and that you can find peace and that you get a peace of mind back. I was in such a dark place that I was tired of being tired. Steve had once again been a rock of support that never waivered and that was always a sounding board and a voice that kept me from losing my mind. My family had pulled away from me because no one knew what to say to me and so instead of saying the wrong thing they all said nothing. I was raised in a Chrisitian home and my faith was very important to me. It was during this time that my pastor whom I had know not only in church but outside. I reached out to him to let him know that my son was missing yet again and he never responded. I felt heart broken hearted. The time in my life that I wanted and needed to fill closet to God and need that guidance, I was left all alone.
What had I done it was almost Thanksgiving and my family was trying to plan and get count for dinner and I had no idea where by son had been for last 3 weeks. And to make matters worse my Uncle had died so my family was asking about him and how he was and I just kept changing the subject. I was worried I was going to celebrate Thanksgiving with nothing to be thankful but on November 22 I was at the and my blood pressure was so they wanted to admit me the police missing person detective who by now was a friend called me and said we found him and I going to have a patrolman bring him home. I was way up in my feelings but Thankfully until I got home and heard the latest bullshit. How did this become my life?
I had been planning on going to my College Homecoming in 2015 because since in 2014 I was in congestive heart failure and I was on bed rest walking to the bathroom left me winded and my Mother was having to take care of my kids on the day to day things. I was scared that I was going to die because my Father had congestive heart failure and he died at 57. So the fear was real the Doctor had taken away my driving privileges so I was extra sad. So when Homecoming came around in 2015 and I was up and felt better and I was determined to go to see some of my friends who I had not seen in years. So I got the works my hair, nails and pedicure made arrangements for my kids for the full weekend. And I was ready for hit 85 North to Salisbury NC and a little school called Livingstone College. I had been gone most of the day on Friday getting my cute on so when I called home to see if my son was home my Mom told me and that she had not heard from him. Just like that I was depressed I was like damn can I catch a break by this time we had gotten use to if he was not home by 2:39pm then he was not coming and with that came the stress of worrying where he was and who he was with and what he was doing. My Mom told me to not change my plans and that I needed to still go ahead with my plans and enjoy myself because he was going to enjoy himself and not worry about me. So I got home and called the police they came out took the report and the foolishness started all over again. The police thought that since Halloween was on a weekend that he was somewhere with his friends that he would turn up. I on the other hand was not sure but what was I supposed to do?
I went to Homecoming and it was great I saw some friends had a amazing time but in the back of my head I knew my soon was still not at home. Sunday I woke up sad and so down that I could not pull myself out of my bed. My Mom thought that I was just hung over but it was worse than that. While at homecoming everyone kept asking how my kids were and I had to lie with a straight face how was I supposed to say oh my daughter was great but I had not seen my son since he left for school Friday morning. What kind of sorry parent was I? I called the school and let them know the situation that once again he was missing and that he had been gone since Friday and never came home. They told me that they would do what they could do and that he was not at school and if they saw him then they would call me.
The longest he had ever been gone was 4 days you know like a long weekend but before I knew it he had been gone for 2weeks and I had not slept or really eaten and it was taking a toll on me and not just me but my daughter and my Mom. I just cried and cried and the Doctor was of coursed worried about me but I could not pull myself out of this depression. I knew I was depressed because I felt worse than I had when my Daddy had died or when I was first diagnosed. And to make matters worse people had started saying the dumbest things to me. Like I know all my kids friends. Have you called his friends? What did you do to make him want to leave. I was losing my mind and people close to me instead trying to make me feel better they mad me feel worse. I had a friend who said I am not going to pray for him because everyone is praying for him and God takes care of fools and babies. She said I am going to pray for you and that you can find peace and that you get a peace of mind back. I was in such a dark place that I was tired of being tired. Steve had once again been a rock of support that never waivered and that was always a sounding board and a voice that kept me from losing my mind. My family had pulled away from me because no one knew what to say to me and so instead of saying the wrong thing they all said nothing. I was raised in a Chrisitian home and my faith was very important to me. It was during this time that my pastor whom I had know not only in church but outside. I reached out to him to let him know that my son was missing yet again and he never responded. I felt heart broken hearted. The time in my life that I wanted and needed to fill closet to God and need that guidance, I was left all alone.
What had I done it was almost Thanksgiving and my family was trying to plan and get count for dinner and I had no idea where by son had been for last 3 weeks. And to make matters worse my Uncle had died so my family was asking about him and how he was and I just kept changing the subject. I was worried I was going to celebrate Thanksgiving with nothing to be thankful but on November 22 I was at the and my blood pressure was so they wanted to admit me the police missing person detective who by now was a friend called me and said we found him and I going to have a patrolman bring him home. I was way up in my feelings but Thankfully until I got home and heard the latest bullshit. How did this become my life?
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