So it was hard last week I was not feeling well and because of Lupus not feeling good is a daily battle. So I kept pressing and ignore my body. My son had run away again and I knew my stress level was on a million. So I did what Mother's do I put myself on the back burner. I had a silent heart attack. At 41 I had a heart attack I have been in Congestive heart failure for almost 3 years and now my heart is saying you gotta change. But do I really want to?
I talked a good game and yes this blog was started to help someone who was going through some of the things that I was going through with my son. The running away the lies the stealing the disrespectful treatment and the blanton disregard for my rules. I feel like I failed my son in some shape form or fashion. I did everything I knew to do I changed my whole life for him and his sister. And now I don't even know my own son my 1st born the person who changed me. And I am having a hard time realizing that he doesn't want to change. He is living his life and he will have to change when he is ready. You see he doesn't want to change.
I have to learn how to live on purpose in spite of how people around me are doing. I laid in the hospital and called this phase of my life Kim 2.0. I have to change my body and my soul are crying out for change. And before who ever reads this says well you need to lose some weight well folks I have lost 70+ pounds and I know that I need to lose some more. Yes I am fat and overweight. But I am also a person who lives my life on my terms. I am beautiful and I am intelligent and I am a business owner and a Mother. I could go on about all that I am and all that I do but why if I don't change none of this will matter.
In corporate America I was taught the only thing constant is change. You have to be ready for whatever. You know if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. But I lost my joy in living this way. I forgot how to celebrate the simple things in my life. I have so much to be joyful and happy do you heat me happy about but my happiness is over shadowed by my fear,shame and doubt. However that is about to change. You see God never left me He carried me when I couldn't walk he sent people in my life who could and would and still continue to pray for me when I can't or don't know to. You see truly this Joy that I have the world didn't give it to me and since that is true .My son and his issues can't steal my joy Lupus and Heart disease can't steal it either.
This is Kim 2.0 I will live in the light of God. I will smile with the Sun on my face. I will enjoy my success and failure. I will change how I handled life my children and my business. And to the nay sayers and the only lookers just know that God has me covered and what's for me is for me a day not you nor a devil in bell can or will stop my change.
Change is difficult but if life was easy then we would all have the same lives. I am not scared of change. Because I shall live and not die.
I talked a good game and yes this blog was started to help someone who was going through some of the things that I was going through with my son. The running away the lies the stealing the disrespectful treatment and the blanton disregard for my rules. I feel like I failed my son in some shape form or fashion. I did everything I knew to do I changed my whole life for him and his sister. And now I don't even know my own son my 1st born the person who changed me. And I am having a hard time realizing that he doesn't want to change. He is living his life and he will have to change when he is ready. You see he doesn't want to change.
I have to learn how to live on purpose in spite of how people around me are doing. I laid in the hospital and called this phase of my life Kim 2.0. I have to change my body and my soul are crying out for change. And before who ever reads this says well you need to lose some weight well folks I have lost 70+ pounds and I know that I need to lose some more. Yes I am fat and overweight. But I am also a person who lives my life on my terms. I am beautiful and I am intelligent and I am a business owner and a Mother. I could go on about all that I am and all that I do but why if I don't change none of this will matter.
In corporate America I was taught the only thing constant is change. You have to be ready for whatever. You know if you stay ready you don't have to get ready. But I lost my joy in living this way. I forgot how to celebrate the simple things in my life. I have so much to be joyful and happy do you heat me happy about but my happiness is over shadowed by my fear,shame and doubt. However that is about to change. You see God never left me He carried me when I couldn't walk he sent people in my life who could and would and still continue to pray for me when I can't or don't know to. You see truly this Joy that I have the world didn't give it to me and since that is true .My son and his issues can't steal my joy Lupus and Heart disease can't steal it either.
This is Kim 2.0 I will live in the light of God. I will smile with the Sun on my face. I will enjoy my success and failure. I will change how I handled life my children and my business. And to the nay sayers and the only lookers just know that God has me covered and what's for me is for me a day not you nor a devil in bell can or will stop my change.
Change is difficult but if life was easy then we would all have the same lives. I am not scared of change. Because I shall live and not die.
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