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I give up

It's been a while since I have blogged. I have been busy with Kimskakery with doing something that brings me peace and joy. I have been using this blog as a journal and as a why to get my thoughts out and if possible help someone. I have been talking about what I have been going threw in the last year with my son. And in the vain of being transparent.  The summer of 2016 has been alot like the summer of 2015.

My son who came home on good Friday who assured me that things had changed and that he was glad to be home and wanted to do better. I have said that last year was the worse summer but this summer has been by far the hardest. I have had to deal with more of the lies and running away again.

Things have come to a point that I don't even tell people when he is gone or what is going on because I feel like a broken record. I have had to deal with my Lupus being in high gear and my blood pressure being off the chart and it is all due to stress. I am not sure where things went wrong and if it matters at this point who knows. But what I do know is I love my cubs more than anything in this world and now I know that is why the hurt is so deep.

I have tried everything that I know to do and it is not enough. My son has run away and came home with 3 tattoos all over his arm. All I can think of he has made very permanent decisions with temporary information. In my mind he has become that kid that I use to warn my kids about. He is not the sweet little boy that I raised. He is now this boy/man who thinks when shit gets tough or he doesn't like the way things are going he runs away.

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