Single Mom at War!

So it was hard last week I was not feeling well and because of Lupus not feeling good is a daily battle. So I kept pressing and ignore my body. My son had run away again and I knew my stress level was on a million. So I did what Mother's do I put myself on the back burner. I had a silent heart attack.  At 41 I had a heart attack I have been in Congestive heart failure for almost 3 years and now my heart is saying you gotta change. But do I really want to? I talked a good game and yes this blog was started to help someone who was going through some of the things that I was going through with my son. The running away the lies the stealing the disrespectful treatment and the blanton disregard for my rules. I feel like I failed my son in some shape form or fashion. I did everything I knew to do I changed my whole life for him and his sister. And now I don't even know my own son my 1st born the person who changed me. And I am having a hard time realizing that he doesn't want t...

It's been a while since I have blogged. I have been busy with Kimskakery with doing something that brings me peace and joy. I have been using this blog as a journal and as a why to get my thoughts out and if possible help someone. I have been talking about what I have been going threw in the last year with my son. And in the vain of being transparent.  The summer of 2016 has been alot like the summer of 2015. My son who came home on good Friday who assured me that things had changed and that he was glad to be home and wanted to do better. I have said that last year was the worse summer but this summer has been by far the hardest. I have had to deal with more of the lies and running away again. Things have come to a point that I don't even tell people when he is gone or what is going on because I feel like a broken record. I have had to deal with my Lupus being in high gear and my blood pressure being off the chart and it is all due to stress. I am not sure where things went...

Just when I  thought things were going good the rug gets pulled from under me. I have started my own business and I am enjoying the work and watching something I love grow and expand. But my son ran away again and was gone for 9 days. During that time he has gotten two tattoos that are illegal for him to have in North Carolina. So how can I find joy when my life is in such a tail spin. After Christmas and I started to make some decisions that I had to take my life back. I had become someone that I didn't even know anymore. I made myself look in the mirror and I realized that the person who was judging me was me. I always felt like you live and die by your kids successes and failures. I was not in the frame of mind that my son was his own person and he is making his own decisions and it has nothing to do with me. I was taught you don't ever embrace your parents. You never ever know who knows who and you have to watch what you are doing at all times. But my son was not like m...

I have not blogged in a little while because Kimskakery is keeping me busy. I am so blessed and happy that the thing that I love that I am able to pass it along to someone else and they are able to enjoy my gift. I am baking up a storm and building up my business from the ground up. I have never worked so hard in my life but I have never been this happy either. So my last blog was about him coming home for Thanksgiving and how it made me feel. So when he came home for Thanksgiving he was  high and was still up to the same games . He was home to stay and that things were going to be better this time. So we put the Christmas decorations and tried to  move on with holiday season.  I am not a fan of Christmas since my father passed away on December 23 and that has always brought on so many emotions.  He was going to school and cutting classed and we had pick him up from school be he was so high at school that he smelled of weed. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that my ...

Hello I hope everyone is having a goof Friday. If you have been reading my blog you know by know that the bulk of my blog is about my and all that our family has gone threw in 2015 and 2016. I wanted to do this so that I could help someone who may have a son or a daughter who may be going threw what I am. We all need community and the would of Facebook ,Instagram  &Twitter would have you thinking you are all alone because everyone if pretty, fly and fabulous. On Facebook no one  tells you the real story of the life or raising teenager. Well stick with me and I tell you the truth and make plain just how I like my drinks straight no chaser. I have decided that Lupus will not kill me and neither will my kids stressing me out. To the point that my heart explodes or my blood pressure is so high that I have stroke, I have not worked in 4 years and I have wanted to always do more that be at home and be sick. But it seems that my health was never in a place that would allow...

Hello folks its me I feel like we are old friends some of the things that I have shared here I have never had the courage to speak with some of my best and closet friends. But sitting here in the comfort of my room and I feel ok to be free and to honest and to tell the story because no one could have prepared me for what I was about to go threw. Fall was my favorite time of the year. The warm days and cool night when a light jacket is needed if sunset caught you outside. And of course I am a Carolina girl so Football and friends were always on tap. I had been planning on going to my College Homecoming in 2015 because since in 2014 I was in congestive heart failure and I was on bed rest walking to the bathroom left me winded and my Mother was having  to take care of my kids on the day to day things. I was scared that I was going to die because my Father had congestive heart failure and he died at 57. So the fear was real the Doctor had taken away my driving privileges so I was ext...

I have not blogged in a couple of days because my Lupus was on ten. I had not been able to walk for like four days and I was in so much pain that I could not even sit up. I am not a go to the hospital person especially after I was diagnosed with Lupus I felt like I was always either at the hospital or at the Doctor. So Sunday night when my Mom asked me if I wanted to go we planned it so Monday morning I woke up with one thing on my mind. I was headed to the hospital to get some kind of relief. The blood pressure was 197/137 and that was after they had taken it a couple of times. But pain will cause all kinds of problems in your body and life. I have gotten so use to putting myself on the back burner that I have left my health to chance far more times than I can to think about. This blog is about the end of a hard summer and my hopes that a new school year would bring about some growth and much needed changed on my son. However I was in for a rude awaking I never understood w...

On this journey my hope to help another Mother somewhere to know that she is not the only on struggling with a child who will not do what is right. I was in a place that I had never been and I was all alone my friends and family tried to support me and give me some encouragement. But this was something that no one I knew had ever been thru. Sure as teenagers we all had pushed the limits and test our Parents patience but my son was in a class all by himself and I was in the dark with no flashlight.   It has become a situation that he was running away every month and was staying gone for days at a time. I was calling the police who really never looked for him they took the report and moved on. By this time I was becoming very weary in my faith and that I was so sad that I could not seem to find happiness in the things that had in the past brought me so much joy. I had stopped cooking and baking was like only if I had no other choice. I was becoming more isolated because I was...

On the journey of doing this blog it has given me a sense of freedom about my life and my truth is just that. I have lived thru many things in the last 365 days that I had no idea I could live thru. My health has gone from where I didn't feel like trash everyday to now some days getting out of the bed takes a pain pill and an hour just to make it. But because I have kids and I am taking care of my Mother I have no choice but to make it happen. This was not supposed to be my life. I love being a Mother and it is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. But this year my son has pushed me to the limits to wonder why I gave up my life to be his Mother. I am sure that being my son is not a piece of cake and that I can be the bitch from hell. But I have never done anything but make sure that he was always taken care of and provided for even if it was to my own detriment. If my kids had or have a need my life and health go on the back burner. Afte...

Hello everyone so with the effort to tell the true and be transparent I have been in my feelings for the last few days. It is such a horrible feeling and to make things worse I have am Lupus headache that makes me feel like shit. I am not going to make it cute or dress it I feel like I want to take my head off my shoulders and roll it down the street. I know why I am in my feelings. Facebook has this wonderful thing that it shows memories of what happened on this day years previous. And the other day it was the memory of my son being missing. I had no idea that one year later that this day would not be the worse day of my life. My son snuck out of my house and was gone for 3 days and I had no idea where he was or who he was with. I was a nervous wreck and my mind was running rampant. I had to call the police and we made flyers my church family helped pass out flyers almost 200 of them. He was at some friends of his house who Mother was fine with him being there with out talk to m...

Hello guys when I started this blog a few weeks ago it was meant to be a daily thing as a way to deal with my life the stress of life and to give me a place to vent if needed. I said that I would be very transparent in this blog because what good would telling a lie to water down my journey  for me or anyone who would read this blog. So I am going to tell you a story of a young 23 year old woman who was selfish and spoiled, mean outspoken and rude. I did just what I wanted to do whenever I wanted to. I never took any shit off of anyone. And then God told the best joke ever I got pregnant. I was scared and amazed and ashamed all at the same time. I never wanted kids or anything to do with kids. I had been raised by a single Mother my sisters both were single Mother's so I knew I could do it but the question was did I want to. Was I ready to make my life about this other person who I was going to have to love,guide and support. I cried many nights and pray just as hard. Zachary...

So here goes I am by no means a writer or a professional.  However I am a 40 year old mother of 2 teenagers that keep me on my knees in prayer. This blog is not meant to teach anyone anything it is a outlet for me. My goal will be to post everyday good and bad and to be transparent.  If I don't post it maybe a bad Lupus Day and shit no one wants to hear about I promise. Being a single Mother I have learned so many things and still have so much to learn. Kids have a funny was to change a selfish self-centered girl into a woman who forgot about herself so that her kids would never have to suffer. Now I am not going to tell you a fairytale or blow smoke up your assistance but I have believe that I am not the only Mother with two teenagers and suffering from a chronic disease and trying to make sense out of life. So we go to far Hello my name is Kim and I have a son who is 16 and a daughter who 13. I suffer from Lupus,congestive heart failure asthma and the new kid on the mixe...