I was so very overwhelmed by the response from my last blog. It amazes me that people have taken the time to read my blog and for that I am very thankful. I just want someone who is going threw what I am going threw or have been threw to know that they are not alone. The worst feeling is your life falling apart and you feel alone. I have been in a room full of people and felt like I was on a island. And to hear people say I know what you are going threw and it will get better is what was needed at some of my darkest moments.
I know fear and faith can not reside in the same space. But let's just tell the truth I have been so damn scared and felt that God didn't hear me or didn't care that fear is all I had to hold on. I have never lost someone like the lose of losing a dream. You know the dream we have for children what happens when that dreams fades and dies because they become independent people and have their own lives and goal and dreams and they no longer line up with what I had hoped.
See social media will have you looking at your life like what in the sam hill help is going on. How did I end up here. Folks looking napping being in love kids perfect and their life is a fairy tail. And I had to learn to call bullshit on that. My struggle is different from everyone else's but we all have struggles.
And money does not make your personal struggles any less. It can help how you deal with it but it can't stop the struggles from coming. I look at people on TV who struggle to have a child and how that impacts their life. I have never had that struggle God blessed me with my two cubs, and I never ever thought anything about it. Jay Z just said he cheated on Beyonce wow. If Beyonce is a 10 then who did he cheat with? If Halle Berry can't keep a man and she is everyone man's dream then what does that say about us regular folks.
I know my Good days outweigh my Bad and I know that it could be worse. But you sometimes have to mourn the loss of your dreams and ideas. At almost 42 who knew I would be here. And yes I am blessed and covered and all that but let's be real sometimes I just wonder what I should have changed. And sometimes I have to thank God for not allowing somethings to happen. Thank God the marriage didn't happen even though calling of the engagement hurt me to my core. I was not going to be a good wife to him. He was not who God kept just for me. He was who I wanted and I was going to make it work because everyone else was married or getting married. I would have ruined my life and his.
The war I am fighting is between the Kim last year,last month and yesterday. And trust there have been casualties and collateral damage.
I know fear and faith can not reside in the same space. But let's just tell the truth I have been so damn scared and felt that God didn't hear me or didn't care that fear is all I had to hold on. I have never lost someone like the lose of losing a dream. You know the dream we have for children what happens when that dreams fades and dies because they become independent people and have their own lives and goal and dreams and they no longer line up with what I had hoped.
See social media will have you looking at your life like what in the sam hill help is going on. How did I end up here. Folks looking napping being in love kids perfect and their life is a fairy tail. And I had to learn to call bullshit on that. My struggle is different from everyone else's but we all have struggles.
And money does not make your personal struggles any less. It can help how you deal with it but it can't stop the struggles from coming. I look at people on TV who struggle to have a child and how that impacts their life. I have never had that struggle God blessed me with my two cubs, and I never ever thought anything about it. Jay Z just said he cheated on Beyonce wow. If Beyonce is a 10 then who did he cheat with? If Halle Berry can't keep a man and she is everyone man's dream then what does that say about us regular folks.
I know my Good days outweigh my Bad and I know that it could be worse. But you sometimes have to mourn the loss of your dreams and ideas. At almost 42 who knew I would be here. And yes I am blessed and covered and all that but let's be real sometimes I just wonder what I should have changed. And sometimes I have to thank God for not allowing somethings to happen. Thank God the marriage didn't happen even though calling of the engagement hurt me to my core. I was not going to be a good wife to him. He was not who God kept just for me. He was who I wanted and I was going to make it work because everyone else was married or getting married. I would have ruined my life and his.
The war I am fighting is between the Kim last year,last month and yesterday. And trust there have been casualties and collateral damage.
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